I hope mine doesn't look like that
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
