well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize