:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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