just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
