Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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