Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
