Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
