Kareoke will never be a sober sport
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
