Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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