I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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