Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic