We're facebook friends in real life
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
