I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize