weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
