nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
