i just wanna soil my oats bro
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
