the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
