Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
