Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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