My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
