beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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