OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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