so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
