I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
