OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
