the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
