Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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