Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
