I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
BRING THE BAGELS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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