We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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