oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
