Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
