sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
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That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
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Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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