I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is it because I queefed?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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