Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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