he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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