Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do vagina's smell?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
