i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you had me at cake vodka
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
