Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
