I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
