Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
