i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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