Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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