OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
