Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
