thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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