May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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