Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
there is glitter all over my balls
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