Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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