ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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