yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize