Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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