You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
