Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
