Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
