he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
