Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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