Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
